Whether you are feeling safe or unsafe is an important distinction to make. Therapy is meant to be a space where you can feel supported and safe, but it’s also natural for therapy to stir up vulnerability, especially when working through tough emotions or topics that you've avoided. The challenge is knowing when you’re feeling uncomfortable because of the vulnerability of the topic, versus when the environment or therapist is making you feel unsafe.
1. Safety vs. Vulnerability: The Physical and Emotional Cues
When you feel safe:
Physically, you might feel a sense of relaxation in your body, like your shoulders aren’t as tense, your breathing isn’t shallow, and your mind feels clearer.
Emotionally, you might feel a sense of trust or comfort, even if the topic is difficult. You know that your therapist is listening, not judging, and is creating a space where you can share without fear.
Cognitively, you feel empowered, even in vulnerability. Even if the topic is hard to approach, you trust that your therapist is helping you unpack it in a way that feels manageable.
When you feel unsafe:
Physically, you might notice signs of stress like rapid breathing, sweating, a tight chest, or even a sense of needing to escape (fidgeting, pacing, wanting to leave).
Emotionally, you may feel dread, shame, or fear during or after a session. You might feel like you're being judged or criticized, even if that's not being explicitly said.
Cognitively, you may feel powerless, unable to express your true thoughts or emotions because you’re worried your therapist won’t understand, respect, or validate them.
When you’re feeling vulnerable but safe:
You feel a bit exposed, but there’s still trust that the therapist is holding space for you in a supportive way. Vulnerability can feel uncomfortable, but it doesn’t feel threatening. It’s more like stretching beyond your comfort zone with someone who’s there to help you.
You’re able to reflect on why the topic feels difficult, and your therapist provides reassurance, grounding techniques, or pauses to help you regulate.
2. The Therapist’s Role: Listening vs. Pressuring
Feeling safe in therapy often means:
Your therapist is guiding the session, not directing or pushing you. They ask open-ended questions and give you space to explore, rather than rushing or making you feel like you have to answer immediately.
Your therapist respects your boundaries, whether you’re not ready to talk about something or need a break. They encourage you to go at your pace, not forcing you into topics you’re not ready to engage with.
Your therapist acknowledges your discomfort and validates it, creating a space where it’s okay to not be okay. They won’t push you to talk about something you aren’t prepared for.
Feeling unsafe in therapy may look like:
Your therapist pushing you too hard into uncomfortable topics without checking in with your emotional readiness or making sure you have coping strategies in place.
Your therapist invalidating your feelings or responding with judgmental language, even unintentionally, like saying things such as, “You should just get over that,” or “It’s not that bad.”
You feeling rushed or like your feelings aren’t being heard, leading to a sense that you have to suppress them in order to “please” the therapist.
3. Reflecting After the Session
After a safe session:
You may feel emotionally exhausted or drained, but there's a sense of relief or clarity. You might feel like you’ve made progress, even if it's small, and that the session was worth it.
There might be lingering emotions, but you’re able to process them with a sense of support, knowing your therapist will help you navigate them in future sessions.
After an unsafe session:
You may feel emotionally depleted, shameful, or unheard. You might question your decision to go to therapy or feel like you’ve been dismissed in some way.
You might feel uneasy or unsafe just thinking about returning, experiencing an internal conflict like, “I don’t think this is helping,” or “This is not the right environment for me.”
4. Trusting Your Intuition
Ultimately, only you can decide whether you're feeling safe or unsafe, vulnerable or coerced. One helpful way to assess is to check in with your intuition:
Does the thought of returning to therapy feel like a step toward healing? Or does it feel more like you’re dreading it, feeling misunderstood, or fearing judgment?
Do you feel like your therapist is holding space for your emotions? Or does it feel like your feelings are being minimized or pushed aside?
Do you feel empowered in your healing journey, even if it’s hard, or do you feel silenced or manipulated?
Suggestions as to What Can You Do if You’re Unsure:
Communicate your discomfort. If you feel unsure whether it’s the therapy process making you vulnerable or the therapist making you feel unsafe, talking about it can be incredibly helpful. You might say, “I’m feeling really uncomfortable right now—can we slow down or shift gears?” A compassionate therapist will respect that.
Pause if you need to. If you’re not sure if the discomfort is from vulnerability or feeling unsafe, it’s okay to pause or end the session early. You can say something like, “I’m feeling overwhelmed, and I think I need to stop for today to process.”
Reflect on how you feel post-session. After a session, take a little time to check in with yourself. Do you feel empowered to keep going? Or do you feel like something’s not right? Trust that inner feeling.
Therapy is Intended to be Your Safe Space
Therapy is meant to help you feel heard, supported, and safe—even when confronting tough topics. If you’re feeling unsafe, you are absolutely allowed to speak up or even seek a different therapist. Vulnerability, while difficult, can lead to healing when it’s done at a pace that feels right for you.
Disclaimer: The information provided in this guide is for educational purposes only and is not intended to serve as professional therapy or medical advice. The guide aims to offer general insights into recognizing and understanding emotional safety in therapy settings. While it provides helpful tips on discerning feelings of safety and vulnerability, it is not a substitute for personalized counseling or therapy.
If you are experiencing distress, emotional discomfort, or concerns about your safety, please seek support from law enforcement, a licensed therapist or mental health professional. This guide does not create a therapeutic relationship and is not intended to diagnose or treat mental health conditions. Always consult with a qualified healthcare provider for personalized advice tailored to your specific situation.
By using this guide, you acknowledge that the content is not meant to replace professional judgment and that any decisions or actions you take are your own responsibility.
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